Rachel Hile

Rachel Hile lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana, where she is assistant professor in the Department of English & Linguistics at Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne. She has published articles on Renaissance English literature and has edited a collection of essays, Parenting and Professing: Balancing Family Work with an Academic Career. She lives with her two children. View all Revolving Floor contributions by Rachel Hile.

The Brown Brink Eastward

Buy Tagara no prescription, You read a lot of stories about conversion—St. Paul, St. Augustine, Where can i buy Tagara online, and countless others in the Christian tradition. You don’t come across that many unconversion stories. Perhaps the unconvert lacks fervor in her new non-faith. Perhaps he is embarrassed or wants to leave the gate open for a future return to the fold, buy Tagara no prescription. Or perhaps the unconvert, by virtue of losing a formerly found faith, rx free Tagara, recognizes the uncertainty, the potential mutability, of all spiritual states. Where can i find Tagara online, [caption id="attachment_1573" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="The Conversion of St. Paul, by Michaelangelo Buonarroti, 1542-45"]The Conversion of St, <b>canada, mexico, india</b>.  <b>Buy Tagara no prescription</b>, Paul, by Michaelangelo Buonarroti, 1542-45[/caption]

I certainly fit into the last category, having found and lost faith so many times over the course of my life that I might liken it to a quartan fever that seizes me in its sweaty arms every few years, only to chill, eventually, in the face of reason or my own stubbornness. When I was 14, following a year of sincere commitment to my Methodist church (after 13 years of going only when my parents took me and paying minimal attention), I woke up one day and said to myself, Ordering Tagara online, “If someone came along today claiming to be the son of God, I would think he was crazy.” There began ten years of atheism/agnosticism. Toward the end, it felt a little lonely, and I believed that I was Bad, order Tagara no prescription. I began to think about religion, began to wish that I had faith, because I expected that it would make me feel less-lonely and Good, Buy Tagara online no prescription, and I wanted to be Good.

In 1996, I converted to Catholicism, and I was really-really-really into it, until the day in 2004 when I walked for miles around an indoor track, Tagara trusted pharmacy reviews, pushing my sleeping daughter in a stroller and thinking through the question “Who benefits?” from the Church’s stance on birth control (my answer: not women). There were any number of other threads I could have unraveled that day—the celibacy requirement for priests or the prohibition on the ordination of women come to mind—but the thread that was closest to me, the one binding me up so painfully, was the birth control one, buy Tagara no prescription. With the zeal typical of some converts, I had eaten up everything the Church gave me, Tagara from canadian pharmacy, including the idea of not using birth control and having a large family. What a surprise, though, to find in my own life evidence that my own desires and happiness were at odds with what the Church told me I should want and should find fulfilling. With my daughter’s birth, buy Tagara no prescription, I had two children, a boy and a girl, and it felt Just Right. Where to buy Tagara, I have known many women who hunger and yearn for the third child, or the fourth child, as deeply and eagerly as I had longed for my first two children. Buy Tagara no prescription, But as for me, it’s been six years, and I’ve never felt a pull to have another child. Leaving the Church would allow me to choose the number of children that felt right to me; that reason—self-interested in ways that I think are very healthy—made me ripe for unconversion, and that long, purchase Tagara online no prescription, frowning walk was the defining moment of my loss of commitment to Catholicism.

Like many conversion stories (including those of Paul and Augustine mentioned earlier), these unconversion stories happened in a flash, Buy cheap Tagara, in a moment in which an entire system of thought was replaced by an opposing system. In that regard, then, surely unconversion can be as firmly outside the realm of reason as conversion can. Whereas conversion stories often depend quite explicitly upon leaps of intuition, online buy Tagara without a prescription, chance encounters, and deep emotional responses to spiritual or religious experiences, the unconvert is more likely to speak in terms of reason banishing a superstition, Tagara over the counter, and yet the suddenness with which these flashes of insight might appear, and the wholehearted embrace of them that the unconvert makes, bear striking resemblance to the experience of the convert. Both the convert and the unconvert tend to cling to the belief that the change from one state to another—faithful to non-faithful, non-faithful to faithful—represents a journey to an immutable truth, buy Tagara no prescription.

[caption id="attachment_1574" align="alignnone" width="200" caption="St. Augustine Reading the Epistle of St, buy Tagara without a prescription. Paul, by Benozzo Gozzoli, 1464-65"]St. Augustine Reading the Epistle of St. Paul, by Benozzo Gozzoli, 1464-65[/caption]

Whatever may or may not be true metaphysically—and I make no speculation here—certainly in addition to whatever immutable truths may be in play, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, the choice to adhere or to stop adhering to a particular faith is just that, a choice. It reminds me of pop-psychological dicta that love is a “decision” or an “action” or a “choice, Where can i buy cheapest Tagara online, ” rather than a feeling. I heard a similar concept many times during my Catholic years—one should go to mass, pray, or whatever whether or not one feels the inclination to do so: one can live faith without feeling faith. The underlying assumption in both cases is that one should live based on ideas rather than feelings, buy Tagara no prescription.

Yet both these pieces of advice assume the knowledge of Truth: it is wrong to give up on faith and leave a community; it is wrong to give up on love and leave a relationship, kjøpe Tagara på nett, köpa Tagara online. The similarities between them—finding faith and losing it, falling in and out of love—remind me of the mutability of both as emotional states. One can keep these emotions under the control of reason and belief (and indeed, Buy Tagara online cod, thousands of years of religion, philosophy, and culture have argued for the absolute necessity of doing so), but they have a life of their own, developing and shifting silently, Tagara over the counter, hidden under the proper governance of reason, until, sometimes, Where to buy Tagara, a person decides to choose what has become emotionally true—loss of faith, loss of love—over what the community believes to be true: “this is the right religion”; “love (or at least marriage) is forever.” And after that moment, the unconvert will choose new ideas to align with, new ways of connecting reason with emotion.

If we can fairly apply the metaphor of falling in love to the way one comes to a particular religion, rx free Tagara, then we could say that I fell in love with Catholicism on Maundy Thursday, 1995, when at the end of the service they darkened the chapel for the ceremony in which the Eucharist is paraded around the chapel while “Pange Lingua Gloriosi, Buy cheap Tagara, ” a sixth-century chant, is sung. Buy Tagara no prescription, On that night, I experienced all of those qualities that became for me the “spiritual signature” of Catholicism—something about the tone or mood that I associate with the Church that involves darkness, quietness, water, suffering, mystery, and mysticism. That was my first conversion to Catholicism. There were others, my relationship with the Catholic Church like a marriage, comprar en línea Tagara, comprar Tagara baratos, with high and low points of getting along, a cycle of conversion and unconversion that ended (I thought) with the big breakup in 2005 (when I stopped attending mass), a brief reconciliation this past fall, Buy Tagara without prescription, followed now by continued separation.

[caption id="attachment_1575" align="alignnone" width="495" caption="Pange Lingua Gloriosi"]Pange Lingua Gloriosi[/caption]

That brief reconciliation arose from another conversion story a couple of months ago—one night I read an essay by a (liberal) priest that called to my mind everything I like about Catholicism. The genre of conversion stories primes one to take seriously these chance encounters with a speaking text—Augustine heard a voice telling him to take up the Bible and read, and the words he randomly turned to were compelling enough to change his life. I myself had snapped back to obedience to the Catholic Church in 1998 (after flirting with the idea of returning to Protestantism) after hearing a reading from the Letter to the Galatians in which Paul warns the Galatians, “If any one is preaching to you a gospel contrary to that which you received, let him be accursed.”

[caption id="attachment_1576" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="Beginning of Paul’s Epistle to the Galatians"]Beginning of Paul’s Epistle to the Galatians[/caption]

So for that reason, I was prepared to take seriously my emotional response to that essay, to find in it a sign that it was time to return to the Church, buy Tagara no prescription. Typically earnest, australia, uk, us, usa, I immediately went to confession, began the process of seeking an annulment for my marriage that had ended in divorce, and began attending mass. Buy Tagara no prescription, I was undaunted, even when the ultraconservative priest at my parish delivered a long, long homily about the evil of divorce, how much better it is for people to stay unhappily married, and so forth, purchase Tagara online no prescription.

Fine, I said to myself, there are all kinds of people in the Catholic Church, Online buy Tagara without a prescription, and some of them, like this priest, are uncompassionate. But that’s not all that there is to Catholicism. Buy Tagara no prescription, I will find a different parish, where the priest is more compassionate.

But it didn’t work out that way. Not for lack of compassionate priests, purchase Tagara online, not for lack of a beautiful history of saints and mystics, but because a thing is what it is. While struggling to figure out how to reconcile myself to this church, Order Tagara from mexican pharmacy, I tried to understand my emotional connection to the Catholic Church and how it could coexist with my deeply entrenched intellectual disagreement with the Church on just about everything. I had a flash of understanding by thinking about it in terms of metaphors of love and relationships. I wrote in late October, “We could say that in falling in love with the Catholic Church, I fell in love with ‘someone’ that I disagree with on everything important, order Tagara online overnight delivery no prescription, someone who doesn’t respect women, someone who won’t accept me as I am, someone who won’t honor gay and lesbian people, Tagara from canadian pharmacy, someone who lies, someone who uses theology to win every argument . , buy Tagara no prescription. . . From this perspective, if this were someone I was dating, surely my friends and family would be correct to advise me to get over my love, to break up, instead of giving up everything else I value to make the relationship work.” So I ended up choosing that notion that one should live based on ideas rather than feelings, but with the twist that the ideas I chose were not those of the Catholic Church.

So that was the end . . . again . . . of my life as a Catholic, buy Tagara no prescription. As in the hymn “Amazing Grace,” I was “found” again two months ago, only to lose myself a month later back into the quiet comfort of uncertainty, mutability, and humility.


The Conversion of St. Paul, from The United Episcopal Church Of North America.

St. Augustine Reading the Epistle of St. Paul, from Dalhousie University.

Pange Lingua Gloriosi from Joseph Kenny.

Beginning of Paul’s Epistle to the Galatians, from The Wikimedia Commons.

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Factory Seconds: John Ruskin’s The Stones of Venice and the Female Body

Buy Styplon no prescription, “What are ‘factory seconds’ and ‘irregulars’. Factory seconds and irregulars are not necessarily faulty or even of lessened quality, but rather a piece of merchandise with a minor problem (typically cosmetic and easily reparable) that prevents it from passing the quality checks in the inspection process.”

--from essortment: 5 tips for factory outlet shopping, buy Styplon online cod.

I am 38 years old. Where to buy Styplon, Facebook knows this about me; so does Yahoo. The online game site I registered for so my nine-year-old son could use it—it cares about my age, too, online buying Styplon hcl, as I learned when I noticed my son studying my face one day. “You know,” he said jokingly, “Dermitage could help with those wrinkles around your eyes.” He had apparently been seeing them, too, the ads showing the fast-forwarded aging of beautiful woman into scary crone, the ads crowing, “This woman is 50 years old, buy Styplon no prescription. Australia, uk, us, usa, Learn the secret of her ageless beauty!”

[caption id="attachment_976" align="alignnone" width="255" caption="John Ruskin"]Hile_Ruskin[/caption]

John Ruskin (1819–1900) should be the patron saint of the anti-globalization movement, but his ideas about the aesthetic and intellectual impoverishment brought about by industrialization and capitalism can also provide insights into what has happened to the female body under late capitalism. In The Stones of Venice (1851, canada, mexico, india, 1853), Buy no prescription Styplon online, Ruskin celebrates the rough, imperfect Gothic architecture of medieval Venice over the “accurate mouldings, and perfect polishings, Styplon price, coupon, and unerring adjustments of the seasoned wood and tempered steel” of the nineteenth-century English drawing room. Buy Styplon online no prescription, He praises the beauty of old Venetian glass, designed and executed by a single man, over the modern English mass-produced glass, order Styplon online overnight delivery no prescription, which is “exquisitely clear in its substance, Purchase Styplon online no prescription, true in its form, accurate in its cutting,” to argue for his dictum that one should “never demand an exact finish for its own sake, buy cheap Styplon no rx, but only for some practical or noble end.” A century and a half later, Order Styplon from United States pharmacy, the power of capitalism has made it possible to have a body as perfect as those clear, flawless wineglasses. To the extent that these new interventions into women’s bodies and faces become the standard for all women, buy Styplon no prescription, to the extent that an “exact finish” becomes part of the expectation of female beauty at all ages, Where can i buy cheapest Styplon online, the rest of us will feel like Gothic gargoyles; like muddy, inaccurate pieces of Venetian glass; like “factory seconds.”


Before the days of industrialization, no one expected uniformity and sameness; each wineglass was different, Styplon for sale, and that was a fact, Buy cheap Styplon, not a flaw. Buy Styplon no prescription, But when uniformity becomes possible, there is a tendency to make that uniformity an end of itself and to view it as having perfection to the extent that it conforms to the standard, even if the standard has no merit of its own (for example, a McDonald’s hamburger: uniform, predictable, perfect in its adherence to the standard of a McDonald’s hamburger, but perfect only in that regard). From consumer products such as wineglasses to the food we eat to our own bodies: the ideology of capitalism tends relentlessly toward uniformity. As fellow Revolving Floor contributor BTL writes on her blog about Jonathan Van Meter’s New York magazine article About-Face: “That's one major scary thing about all this: all these women, rx free Styplon, who are supposed to look so much like the way they picture themselves looking at their best, Styplon trusted pharmacy reviews, now look alike. That's how you can tell they all have the New New Face, they all look like they're part of the Cabbage Patch Family, buy Styplon online no prescription. Same thing with Botox, Buy no prescription Styplon online, everyone has the same, immobile, expressionless expression.”


Ideas of beauty are socially constructed and change over time—certainly John Ruskin, buy Styplon without prescription, with his efforts to get his contemporaries to see the beauty in “the fantastic ignorance of the old sculptors” of Venice, Real brand Styplon online, would agree. But it’s hard for one individual to go against the tide of a shift in ideas of beauty, buy Styplon no prescription. My first conscious recognition of the effects of Botox came from watching the “Parralox” episode of Absolutely Fabulous in 2001. I was stunned, australia, uk, us, usa. “Oh my God!” I thought. Order Styplon online c.o.d, “Patsy looks 20 years younger!” And that image of Joanna Lumley’s unlined, perfectly smooth face was what stuck with me for the past eight years: that was the dramatic thing, the thing I remembered, purchase Styplon online no prescription. Buy Styplon no prescription, I forgot one small detail until I rewatched the episode this morning: the fictional Parralox causes even more pronounced facial paralysis than Botox does, so Lumley held her face rigid for the entire episode, mumbling like a ventriloquist through barely parted lips.

But these little details—expressionless faces, where can i buy Styplon online, breasts that react differently to the laws of physics than unaugmented breasts do—are only unbeautiful when compared to a different, Styplon from canadian pharmacy, older standard of beauty. And these details are easy to forget when you have Joanna Lumley’s stunningly young-looking face to remember—even when Botox and its scary fictional counterpart are officially treated satirically in the episode (which was the first new episode to air in more than five years; presumably Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley felt the need to account narratively for the fact that Lumley looked younger than she had five years earlier). I get swept along by the wave of new ideas of beauty, fast shipping Styplon, new images of aging, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, and it makes me see things that would be just as easy not to see: how my lips are growing thinner, the web of tiny lines around my eyes.

Perfection is appealing, buy cheap Styplon no rx, of course, Where can i order Styplon without prescription, and never more appealing than when it appears to be within reach. But Ruskin’s ideas about the moral costs of the smooth finish, the perfect exterior of stuff, purchase Styplon online, of consumer products, Buy Styplon from canada, are equally relevant to consideration of our bodies: “And therefore, while in all things that we see or do, we are to desire perfection, Styplon price, coupon, and strive for it, we are nevertheless not to set the meaner thing, in its narrow accomplishment, above the nobler thing, in its mighty progress; not to esteem smooth minuteness above shattered majesty.” I’m not quite ready to refer to my body with the words “shattered majesty,” but I could be persuaded to try to see myself in a contemplative gargoyle looking out over Paris, as I once did, from Notre Dame.



First gargoyle image from What About Clients?

Ruskin image from Famous Poets And Poems.

Second gargoyle image from Daily Venture..

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Buy Cipralex no prescription, How not to begin a story. Like this. Ab ovo—from the egg, from the beginning. In his Ars Poetica, order Cipralex no prescription, the first-century BCE poet Horace emphasizes the importance of starting a story in medias res—in the middle of things—by giving the example of what not to do: don’t start the story of the Trojan War ab ovo, from the egg from which Helen hatched. No egg, Where can i buy cheapest Cipralex online, no Helen; no Helen, no abduction by Paris; no abduction by Paris, no Trojan war. Horace seems not even to consider that someone inquisitive like me, someone more interested in excavating beginnings than weaving an action-packed plot, might even want to venture ante ovem, before the egg, to ask why Leda’s children were born out of eggs in the first place, buy Cipralex no prescription. Before the egg, Zeus seduced/raped Leda in the form of a swan, buy cheap Cipralex no rx, so, appropriately, her children were born from eggs. Cipralex price, coupon, [caption id="attachment_710" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Helen hatching from an egg. A phylax image circa 4th century BCE."]Helen hatching from an egg. A phylax image circa 4th century BCE.[/caption]

I’m surely not alone in finding value in all this egg and pre-egg business, in believing that examining origins leads to worthwhile insights about motivations, people, Cipralex trusted pharmacy reviews, as well as the ways people use religion to explain the inexplicable. Buy Cipralex no prescription, And yet, for hundreds and hundreds of years after Horace, writers mostly took his advice. The great epics, the weak epics—the poets followed the rules, Cipralex from canadian pharmacy, as though they had a little checklist next to them: start in medias res—check; invoke Muse—check; divine intervention—check. Eventually, the epic gave way to the novel as the literary home for long stories, but generally novelists followed the old Horatian dictum to start at a moment of action instead of from the egg of the plot.

In what sort of alternate literary universe would starting at the beginning be prized, buy generic Cipralex, and what values would it express. For one thing, an interest in character development over plot and narrative thrust, Order Cipralex from United States pharmacy, introspection over event. (I think I hear Achilles yawning just thinking about it.) It didn’t take a new world, but a new genre, which Michel de Montaigne kindly invented for us at the very moment that some historians have dated as the genesis of the private self, buy Cipralex no prescription. The essai—an attempt, an effort at understanding that uses a different kind of thinking than plot-driven narratives, is well-suited to the practice of going back to the egg to try to understand oneself. The desire to understand differs fundamentally from the desire to entertain or teach, rx free Cipralex, and whereas one can achieve the latter without reference to origins, understanding depends on knowing not only the present but the past as well. We can chase causation backwards, Buy Cipralex from canada, backwards, backwards, looking for a place beyond which there is only faith or chaos. There we find the egg of the story. Buy Cipralex no prescription, [caption id="attachment_715" align="alignnone" width="218" caption="Michel de Montaigne, inventor of the esssay."]Michel de Montaigne, inventor of the esssay.[/caption]

Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago for an explanation of why my family is so religiously diverse—my father adheres to a sect of Hinduism, my mother is a Unitarian Universalist, my sister is a Baha’i, and I am a former Methodist, former atheist, former agnostic, former Catholic, former dabbler in Buddhism who now identifies as “universalist/religious tourist” on my Facebook page.

“Well, online buy Cipralex without a prescription,” I said. “I suppose it’s because my father set the example of choosing one’s own religion. He was raised Southern Baptist and rebelled against it by exploring Hinduism and Transcendental Meditation.”

But this answer seemed partial and made me ask and answer another question: “Why did he rebel against the Southern Baptist faith. Purchase Cipralex, Well, I suppose it’s because my grandparents’ way of being religious, and their way of infusing religion into family life, seemed oppressive, excessive.” But this only led to another question: Why did my grandparents have such a heavy religion, buy Cipralex no prescription. Only now do we arrive at an answer that leads to an unanswerable question: My father had an older brother, Bob, who died before my father was born, buy Cipralex no prescription. My grandparents had moved their family to a new farm in Iowa, and while the adults were busy with moving and unpacking, the two boys ran off to explore. Cipralex samples, Six-year-old Bob fell into an uncovered well and drowned. Shortly thereafter, my grandparents, first my grandmother and some time later my grandfather, got “saved” and began a new life in religion, fast shipping Cipralex.

[caption id="attachment_705" align="alignnone" width="267" caption="Horace in conversation with poets. Buy Cipralex no prescription, By Raphael, from the Stanza della Segnatura"]Horace in conversation with poets. By Raphael, from the Stanza della Segnatura[/caption]

So where is the egg, Canada, mexico, india, the earliest point in time after which cause and effect applies. Before the egg is something unexplainable, something that can be understood only with reference to god (“Zeus came to Leda in the form of a swan; that’s where these eggs came from”) or to chaos (“Children die terrifying and apparently meaningless deaths because mere anarchy is loosed upon the world”). In my grandmother’s case, what looked like chaos could be borne only by means of religion, buying Cipralex online over the counter.

I can thus trace back something of my own ideas about religion to a summer day in 1939 and a chain of events set in motion by the death of a boy my father never met. How far back can I go to find the ovular moment of my tendency toward introspection, buy Cipralex no prescription. In the summer of 2007, during the separation that preceded the beginning of my divorce process, Where can i order Cipralex without prescription, I pored over my diaries from 1994 through 1996, trying to understand, looking for the egg of that story. One day in midsummer, an envelope slipped out of the pages of one of the fat five-subject notebooks I favor for my journals, ordering Cipralex online. It was eerie to open the envelope and find a letter to my future self, written in 1995, a year before my wedding. Where can i buy Cipralex online, It was written for future-Rachel, who 1995-Rachel knew would one day want out of the marriage, to explain to her why she should ignore that wish. Buy Cipralex no prescription, The letter, by its existence, serves as proof of my own belief in 1995 in the potential discontinuity of my own identity. So far, the meaning of the letter has differed at three points in time, online buying Cipralex hcl, three distinct Rachel-readers of the letter. In 1995, the letter contained truths that a future self might forget. Buy Cipralex online no prescription, To my self in 2007, defensive about the terrible, terrible responsibility of ending a marriage, the letter was proof that something had been off all along. To my self in 2009, buy Cipralex online cod, less committed to ideas of absolute truth, less defensive about the way my life has turned out, it was a sad snapshot that gave me a heart-breaking sympathy for all the multiple versions of me, Where to buy Cipralex, all the multiple versions of him, but especially those two in 1996, poised on the brink of a story to which I know the ending, but they don’t.

[caption id="attachment_704" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Thirty years of diaries: November 27, 1979--August 17, 2009."]Thirty years of diaries: November 27, 1979--August 17, 2009.[/caption]

But that wasn’t the first letter from myself to a future self, buy Cipralex no prescription. In 1984, where to buy Cipralex, when I was in seventh grade, I wrote a letter to future-Rachel, trying to explain myself, Cipralex gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, to gain sympathy. I was ashamed, embarrassed about being who I was: shy, nerdy, depressed, australia, uk, us, usa, lonely. I felt so hopeless, such an ugly duckling in every way—I still remember how much I longed for invisibility the day the boy I adored spoke to me, Order Cipralex online c.o.d, and I was wearing a lavender shirt that was, in my mind, hideous, horrible. I never wore it again, buy Cipralex from mexico. Buy Cipralex no prescription, These indignities were bearable; what was unacceptably painful was the thought of some Rachel of the future, one who would have figured out how to negotiate the intricacies of the adolescent social web and how to attain the desideratum of a boyfriend, one who would look back at my seventh-grade sad-sack self and cringe or laugh. I don’t remember a lot of the details, just that it was a plea for understanding: the writer of the letter believed in and feared the possibility that the reader of the letter, her own future self, Where can i find Cipralex online, might have forgotten her misery, or might blame her for it.

These two letters to future-Rachels were written alongside volume after volume after volume of diaries, going back to when I was eight years old. But that’s still not early enough to be the egg, purchase Cipralex online. To find the egg of my introspection, my sometimes obsessive attempts to communicate, I have to go back to the dream my mother had three days after my conception, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, when I was barely more than an egg myself. In the dream, I looked like newborn-Rachel: a baby with a patch of black hair on the side of her head, buy Cipralex no prescription. The baby said to my mother, “My name is Rachel Elizabeth” . . , purchase Cipralex online no prescription. and so it was. Buy Cipralex no prescription, Hearing that story over and over again as a child—because I loved it and wanted to hear about it often—shaped my sense of self. Who knows why my mother had that dream—perhaps its origin was supernatural (the Zeus explanation) or perhaps she had a bad burrito (mere anarchy). At any rate, Order Cipralex from mexican pharmacy, I locate in that dream the egg of my fascination with the idea of communication among all these discrete selves who are me and not-me, all at once.

Only by writing and reading and writing and reading my selves through these journals across, so far, thirty years of my life, real brand Cipralex online, could I have experienced for myself how illusory is the idea of a stable self. My desire to find or create causal linkages that can take me back ad ovem—so that I can turn around and trace a straight line ab ovo to the present, to my present self—leads me instead to find a series of discrete selves. Two of these selves in particular felt so acutely the fallacy of continuity that they called attention to it and to themselves as, perhaps, moments of my identity that would be subsumed, erased in future-Rachel’s attempts to create a seamless narrative, a story of identity as an unbroken line stretching from egg to chick to hen.

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