The Topic At Hand: Lost and Found

Buy Furazolidone no prescription, The basement is almost finished. When I bought the house, the basement appointments were High Seventies: chocolate paneling; shag carpet, not only wall to wall but wrapped around the one otherwise exposed support column; high school tile for ceiling and part of the floor; the unpaneled walls painted and papered in mustard and tangerine. Where can i find Furazolidone online, The shag was stippled in those colors, accented with cream and more chocolate. The all-weather carpet on the stairs leading down to the basement picks up only the darker of these colors, looking rather like a wet tiger skin run through a blender.

It’s not only almost finished, buy Furazolidone without a prescription, it’s almost an inverse loft. It has the sink, cupboards and cabinet to make a kitchen, and it has a half-bath, buy Furazolidone no prescription.

It’s mostly tamed now. The shag has been replaced with some very mild gray-brown berber, Furazolidone trusted pharmacy reviews, and the only place the old paint still shows is on the stairway and the doors of the floor-to-ceiling storage built into the wall at the foot of the stairs. Those doors still bear the giant, hand-made flower and butterfly decals put there by the previous owner.

[caption id="attachment_1711" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="The author's father in the author's basement in its heyday"]The author's father in the author's basement.[/caption]

The built-in bookcases are now a sedate green, one of Martha Stewart’s own colors – the cases, canada, mexico, india, but not the shelves. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, The green paint turned out to be either so thin or inadhesive that moving much of anything across the surface covered by it causes it to peel right off. The shelves, still vivid orange, Online buying Furazolidone hcl, are stacked under a pile of blankets, atop an extra washing machine.

The laundry equipment, in a room with the basement drain, is one unfinished part of the basement, Furazolidone from canadian pharmacy. A second is a large, two-door closet enclosing the furnace, water heater and air conditioner. Furazolidone price, coupon, And the last unfinished part is... not really anything, buy Furazolidone no prescription. The fuse box is there; some metal shelving; an odd piece of electrical hydraulic equipment that’s never been identified.

She called it the junk storage and it served as an attic, a placement of last resort. I find it odd to think of it by that name, Furazolidone gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, now that it’s empty.

The house was largely empty when I got back into it, but I expected that. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, I told her I wasn’t looking forward to taking anything as mine that had been ours, and I meant it. Order Furazolidone no prescription, There were moments when I first seriously confronted what splitting up would mean that I almost wished I could just give her the house, but I knew she couldn’t afford to keep it. What I hadn’t expected was to return to find it, though largely empty, so much a shambles, rx free Furazolidone.

Through the last months in which she lived there, while I stayed with my parents, I took some satisfaction in both the practicality and the benefits, Buy Furazolidone without prescription, to her, of the arrangement. Our cumulative expenses didn’t have to rise. She retained the comfort and security of a house, the familiarity of her decór, and the company of the garden and the dogs she loved, buy Furazolidone no prescription.

And for the first part of that time, I didn’t know this last separation of ours would be permanent, australia, uk, us, usa. She had already decided that, but didn’t make it clear. I could have asked more questions sooner, Buy Furazolidone no prescription, but I didn’t really want to know. I chose instead to take her ambiguity as ambivalence, and she used that to stretch the matter out. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, Later I told her that I would be comfortable if she stayed, once I moved back in, if she still hadn’t found another place. I think that’s when she started to actually make arrangements. She gave me a date for when she would be moving, buy Furazolidone from mexico. Then, almost a month prior to that date, she called unexpectedly one night to say she was leaving, Purchase Furazolidone, and that the dogs would be waiting on me – and she was sorry the place was kind of a mess.

[caption id="attachment_1710" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="She was sorry the place was kind of a mess."]forgiveness[/caption]

I should say before going any further that I don’t make a good house-keeper. For the most part, I’m very good at not making messes in the first place, for the very reason that I know I’m not very good at cleaning deep or wide, buy Furazolidone no prescription. What minor messes I do make, I clean up before they can spread or set, for the same reason, where can i order Furazolidone without prescription.

But anything that gathers independently of my deliberate action tends to register as part of the landscape. If it does so in ways small, slow or otherwise subtle it often doesn’t register at all for a long time – dust, Buying Furazolidone online over the counter, for instance, finds me a great passive ally.

Then there’s the pile problem, which has two contributing factors. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, I can throw almost anything away, but with many things this involves a distinct psychological struggle against whatever it is that makes some people pack rats. Depending on my mood and the item in question, buy Furazolidone online cod, the struggle can be agonizing or so brief that I almost don’t notice it. (The main exception is anything that would need to be cleaned if it were to be kept, which I can get rid of eagerly.) But there are periods when I decide a few too many times in a row not to face these struggles right away, Online buy Furazolidone without a prescription, and things do collect.

The other pile contributor is paper. I’ve never successfully adopted any kind of physical filing system, for the simple fact that if I can’t see a piece of paper (or the stack I put it in) it will never bring itself back to my attention – which is in many cases the only reason to have kept the paper in the first place. I have managed recently to get nearly all of my accounts into some digital form, which has cut down on the problem dramatically, buy Furazolidone no prescription. But there are still paper forms which must be physically filled out and returned somewhere, order Furazolidone online c.o.d, and if those go into any kind of box or drawer I’d be better of failing to deal with them by throwing them away because at least then they wouldn’t be using up storage space.

So when I say the house was a shambles, understand that I’m not using my own standards of neatness or even livability. Where to buy Furazolidone, I’m using hers.

Oh, to be sure... Buy Furazolidone no prescription, Cabinets stood open, spilling out heaps of clothes, linens, shoes. Unused packing boxes gaped from corners. Stacks of crockery had migrated from the kitchen to the garage before being abandoned, order Furazolidone online overnight delivery no prescription. The odd distribution of plants and potting soil in pots, tubs and a bird bath on the patio told a similar story of things considered and ultimately rejected.

No, Furazolidone samples, all that disarray seemed to follow naturally from a sudden departure. But as I wandered from room to room and finally sat in the one remaining living-room chair, surrounded by the walls I’d painted in her colors and her two dogs as innocently pleased as ever just for the company, what got to me were the surfaces under the clutter, buy Furazolidone no prescription.

The dust had to have been gathering unimpeded for some time to have reached a level I would notice right away. The floors were similarly unswept, and the kitchen and what had been her bathroom showed hints of grime. I thought about her, kjøpe Furazolidone på nett, köpa Furazolidone online, living there in the state it had gotten into, and what its state seemed to say about her frame of mind. The place which had so pleased me to think of her occupying now was suddenly soaked in a sadness that had nothing to do with its emptiness or my loss – though of course all that was there, Order Furazolidone from United States pharmacy, too. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, At least a few days passed before I ventured down to the basement, probably driven to do laundry. I found more piles of clothes and linens, and – to my surprise – the extra washer and dryer which she had originally brought with her from her old apartment and which I had assumed she would take with her to her new one. I’m not sure how much time passed after that before I thought to look in the junk storage.

stairs

I found it empty, buy generic Furazolidone, except for the electrical fixtures – both familiar, the one inscrutable – and the metal shelving. All of that was bare, Ordering Furazolidone online, except for one shelf which held two boxes, labeled in my handwriting. One box said “NO” and the other said “YES” – but that was struck through and above it written, again, “NO.”

I left the boxes there after I found them, buy Furazolidone no prescription. I had a good idea what was in them, and I had plenty of other things to deal with – mainly lists of furniture, kitchenware and tools I could use if I had them, buy cheap Furazolidone no rx, and smaller lists of those I couldn’t get much further without. But I remembered the boxes were there and the memory started to nag me, especially the first box. Purchase Furazolidone online no prescription, Some months passed, until I found myself sitting in my car parked in a random lot on the afternoon of King Day, listening to a radio broadcast of his speech at the Lincoln Memorial, smiling even as I wept steadily and silently. The station didn’t jump straight to the end, comprar en línea Furazolidone, comprar Furazolidone baratos, as stirring as it can be in isolation. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, Instead the whole speech played through, laying a foundation, raising a great tower on which to finally set the bell. I listened, eventually unable to see, Furazolidone for sale, to that gold tone voice beating pain into poetry, despair into determination, and I thought to myself that it had once been common for me to be so deeply affected by great speech, great art, great examples – but that I hadn’t been for a long time, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal. And I remembered the first box.

When I got home, I brought them up from the basement and set them on the new dining table. Buy cheap Furazolidone, I pushed the “YES” box to one side and opened the “NO” box.

There was a spare doorknob from the house I grew up in, and a piece of tile from the roof of the house my father grew up in – houses in parts of town which she knew only painted by patrol cars behind breathless reporters on the evening news, buy Furazolidone no prescription. There was one of the weights my grandmother used to make her knitting hang flat from her machine in the house my mother grew up in, further east where most of my mother’s relatives still live. I had long since grown used to visiting relatives alone, well before the separation, where to buy Furazolidone.

There were black crayon rubbings of relief sculptures in Gloucester Cathedral, a chunk chipped from the Berlin Wall, a pebble from the beach at Nice. Furazolidone over the counter, And there were postcards, too, from places I’ve never been but hope to visit, beauties of nature and milestones of history. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, There was music in the box that I hadn’t played in the house for years, if ever. Tool and Soundgarden that were too “loud” and klezmer, flamenco and raga, chants and beats from across the world that were too “tribal.”

There were whole shelves’ worth of books, beautifully bound, satisfying even considered purely as ornaments though without a single picture among them. There were books about the future and the past, drawn from evidence and imagination, presented as stories and logical arguments.

And at the bottom of the box were old notebooks in which I used to record wide passions for wisdom and justice that led me to write letters and enter heated discussions and sometimes just shout back at some particularly foolish statement eminating from a television. And narrow passions for flashing eyes and rolling hips that led me to stare, to reach, to feed myself on the brush of hair and another’s breath, the slip of skin.

All this in the box marked “NO.” Uneasily, I turned to the box marked “YES” and opened it, only to discover that it contained more of the same, buy Furazolidone no prescription. Only instead of things that I had thought to be barriers between her and me, these were things I had felt we shared together in a way that could never be shared with anyone else.

There were glaciers and whales on the coast of Alaska and a stately old mansion on the Santa Fe Trail. There were bright towers, packed sidewalks and broad parks in New York and Chicago. There was more music: Sarah McLachlan singing of love better than chocolate; Gerry Rafferty singing with unintentional (?) irony about throwing away all his crazy dreams. Buy Furazolidone no prescription, There were paint and fabric samples and Hitchcock movies and steak dinners. There were pressed flowers and seed packets and wind-chimes and a stack of illustrated notes. There was a private language of catch-phrases and inside jokes, and points of light strung and woven across trees and rooftops on the darkest nights of the year. There was a lock of red hair.

I initially felt a great temptation to gloat, at least privately, about having recovered the contents of these boxes – though it was hard to convince myself at first that I shouldn’t keep some of what was in the “YES” box there forever. But as time passes and I’m more used to having the stuff back, I see that’s a misplaced attitude, buy Furazolidone no prescription. Though I did so for her, I packed and labeled the boxes myself. No matter how glad she might have been to have some of what went into the “NO” box packed away, it was still a mistake – she tried to tell me so, toward the end. And no matter how much she might ever have appreciated what went into the “YES” box, she left it behind. So I’m just quietly satisfied to have restored so much that I had denied myself, whether I did so in the long or short term, and whether I enjoy any particular actuality sooner or later.

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All images are by the author.

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    • Gone are the days when one had to slog every morning to wash, scrub and clean clothes. Thanks to modern technology, washing machines have made life a lot simpler. Just add water and detergent, throw the clothes in and let the machine do the rest for you. It saves a lot of time and effort for today's fast generation.

      • Saul

        Thanks, Landen, those are all excellent points. I'm a big fan, btw.

    • Gone are the days when one had to slog every morning to wash, scrub and clean clothes. Thanks to modern technology, washing machines have made life a lot simpler. Just add water and detergent, throw the clothes in and let the machine do the rest for you. It saves a lot of time and effort for today's fast generation.

    • Saul

      Thanks, Landen, those are all excellent points. I'm a big fan, btw.

    • Rise Up Shout Out(Whales Weep Too) is one of my songs & I don't know how it ended up in the link to this page. Can anyone explain…lol
      Plz Join My Official Fan Club Site & enjoy my songs

    • Rise Up Shout Out(Whales Weep Too) is one of my songs & I don't know how it ended up in the link to this page. Can anyone explain…lol
      Plz Join My Official Fan Club Site & enjoy my songs

    • rickyfingerz

      Rise Up Shout Out(Whales Weep Too) is one of my songs & I don't know how it ended up in the link to this page. Can anyone explain…lol
      Plz Join My Official Fan Club Site & enjoy my songs

    • rickyfingerz

      Rise Up Shout Out(Whales Weep Too) is one of my songs & I don't know how it ended up in the link to this page. Can anyone explain…lol
      Plz Join My Official Fan Club Site & enjoy my songs

      http://z8.ro/RickyFingerzOfficialFanClub

    • Saul

      Well, the words “shout,” “whales” and “weeping” all appear in the text above, so I'm guessing it's based on that. I'd be curious to know where this link you found showed up so soon.

    • Saul

      Well, the words “shout,” “whales” and “weeping” all appear in the text above, so I'm guessing it's based on that. I'd be curious to know where this link you found showed up so soon.

    • Steve

      Saul, as one of your relatives from the 'East Side' I'm impressed with your writing. I can relate to the emotions and adapting to the changes life brings. Changes bring new beginnings … hopefully good new beginnings. By the way, I remember visiting you when you arrived on earth in Jefferson City.

      • Saul

        Steve, thanks! I'm actually very lucky in many, many ways and the things coming into my life and back into my life are all good. And I don't think anyone ever told me you visited us in Jeff City, I wish I could remember.

    • Steve

      Saul, as one of your relatives from the 'East Side' I'm impressed with your writing. I can relate to the emotions and adapting to the changes life brings. Changes bring new beginnings … hopefully good new beginnings. By the way, I remember visiting you when you arrived on earth in Jefferson City.

    • Linda Warnock

      Endings are invariably sad. Scraps of the past always evoke memories, some more touching than others. I have felt the ache of love lost and know the depths of anger and confusion and sorrow it causes. But an ending means a new beginning and you never know what happiness is just around the corner till you get there! You are wished the very best this life has to offer. Love, Aunt Linda

      • Saul

        Thanks, Linda, for the comment and the wishes. It's becoming clear to me that this piece is written much more sadly than I realized or intended — it's meant to be “lost AND found” but what's coming across is mostly loss. Reading back over it, I'm beginning to see why it reads that way, and having thoughts about how to re-write it at some point.

    • Linda Warnock

      Endings are invariably sad. Scraps of the past always evoke memories, some more touching than others. I have felt the ache of love lost and know the depths of anger and confusion and sorrow it causes. But an ending means a new beginning and you never know what happiness is just around the corner till you get there! You are wished the very best this life has to offer.

    • Oblivia

      I like many of your descriptive phrases, especially those of Martin Luther King's speech. The tower and bell seem very appropriate and evocative as are the selected details from your boxes.

    • Oblivia

      I like many of your descriptive phrases, especially those of Martin Luther King's speech. The tower and bell seem very appropriate and evocative as are the selected details from your boxes.

    • Saul

      Steve, thanks! I'm actually very lucky in many, many ways and the things coming into my life and back into my life are all good. And I don't think anyone ever told me you visited us in Jeff City, I wish I could remember.

    • Saul

      Thanks, Linda, for the comment and the wishes. It's becoming clear to me that this piece is written much more sadly than I realized or intended — it's meant to be “lost AND found” but what's coming across is mostly loss. Reading back over it, I'm beginning to see why it reads that way, and having thoughts about how to re-write it at some point.

    • Glenda Baker Whitehead

      I felt like I was there while you were in your car listening to King, while you were looking in the boxes of memories and loss. I remember my own losses and what stands out for me in them.
      I only wish I knew you better so I could have been a support to you, although, I know you have a great support system already. You are an amazing man and writer who should not ever have to compromise your essense.
      I wish you well!

    • Glenda Baker Whitehead

      I felt like I was there while you were in your car listening to King, while you were looking in the boxes of memories and loss. I remember my own losses and what stands out for me in them.
      I only wish I knew you better so I could have been a support to you, although, I know you have a great support system already. You are an amazing man and writer who should not ever have to compromise your essense.
      I wish you well!

    • Sally G.

      Saul, I have known you for many years and I never knew you could write so beautifully. Sharing all of this with others is hopefully very therapeutic. You have given yourself the greatest gift that anyone can get. . . . .you!! You are who you are because of what you love and I am so happy to know that you have again found Saul. Enjoy yourself to the fullest and never look back.

      Remember that “Love is not gazing at each other but looking out together in the same direction. You have the best role model in your parents.

      Love,
      Sally G.

    • Sally G.

      Saul, I have known you for many years and I never knew you could write so beautifully. Sharing all of this with others is hopefully very therapeutic. You have given yourself the greatest gift that anyone can get. . . . .you!! You are who you are because of what you love and I am so happy to know that you have again found Saul. Enjoy yourself to the fullest and never look back.

      Remember that “Love is not gazing at each other but looking out together in the same direction. You have the best role model in your parents.

      Love,
      Sally G.

    • Sally G.

      Saul, I have known you for many years and I never knew you could write so beautifully. Sharing all of this with others is hopefully very therapeutic. You have given yourself the greatest gift that anyone can get. . . . .you!! You are who you are because of what you love and I am so happy to know that you have again found Saul. Enjoy yourself to the fullest and never look back.

      Remember that “Love is not gazing at each other but looking out together in the same direction. You have the best role model in your parents.

    • Sally G.

      Saul, I have known you for many years and I never knew you could write so beautifully. Sharing all of this with others is hopefully very therapeutic. You have given yourself the greatest gift that anyone can get. . . . .you!! You are who you are because of what you love and I am so happy to know that you have again found Saul. Enjoy yourself to the fullest and never look back.

      Remember that “Love is not gazing at each other but looking out together in the same direction. You have the best role model in your parents.

    • islandsong

      Hi, Saul. I'm new here. Just wanted to say hello. I've never seen your basement. It looks like you're all ready for my to move in. hehehe I'm up (or down) for a tour anytime.
      Luv, Cousin Carol

    • islandsong

      Hi, Saul. I'm new here. Just wanted to say hello. I've never seen your basement. It looks like you're all ready for my to move in. hehehe I'm up (or down) for a tour anytime.
      Luv, Cousin Carol

    • islandsong

      WHy do we deny ourselves when we are folded into a relationship? The struggle of me and us is constant, I guess. I'm continually debating with myself about if, when and how much I will give in to his requests, or lack thereof. It is a slow process. I guess it has to be…or I wouldn't give in. As I continually deny my personality, my enjoyments, my wishes, then is it really me in the relationship? Where did I go? Do I have to be single/without a man, to be myself? Can people be themselves and be in a satifying relationship? Is it my responsability to make sure I”m not lost? Or, do I continiue seeking a man/mate/friend who will ecourage me to be me? Does that exist?
      Cousin Carol

    • islandsong

      WHy do we deny ourselves when we are folded into a relationship? The struggle of me and us is constant, I guess. I'm continually debating with myself about if, when and how much I will give in to his requests, or lack thereof. It is a slow process. I guess it has to be…or I wouldn't give in. As I continually deny my personality, my enjoyments, my wishes, then is it really me in the relationship? Where did I go? Do I have to be single/without a man, to be myself? Can people be themselves and be in a satifying relationship? Is it my responsability to make sure I”m not lost? Or, do I continiue seeking a man/mate/friend who will ecourage me to be me? Does that exist?
      Cousin Carol

    The Author

    Saul Epstein

    saul.epstein
    Saul Epstein is a degreed linguist, graduated Bachelor of Arts from the University of Kansas; a professional technology analyst at Johnson County Community College; and an amateur philosopher, historian and general critic wherever he happens to be. At JCCC his work involves faculty training and internal curriculum development, computer programming, information management, technical writing and occasionally graphic design. He writes essays, poetry and long and short fiction, and is sometimes satisfied with the results. His is also prone to fits of ideography, typography, and illustration. Saul used to spend a lot of time explaining that he was born in a hidden state capital, grew up in a city seemingly named for an adjacent state, and lives in an invisible suburb with no clear urb. He is now more delighted every time to tell the simpler truth that he is from and lives in Kansas City.

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