Soundly outmatched, the terminator lies on a metal grate, face down, badly damaged, reaching for its sawed off shotgun. The technologically superior T-1000 calmly picks up a metal pole, drives it into the terminator’s back, and twists the pole back and forth in a manner one can only assume would wreak maximum possible damage. The terminator reaches back in a futile attempt to stop the attack. Metal screeches, the pole passes through the terminator’s solar plexus thereby impaling it on the metal grate walkway, and little lightning bolts shoot across its leather-clad body. The terminator ceases to struggle and goes limp, only inches away from the sawed-off shotgun. Its exposed mechanical eye, once glowing red, slowly dims and turns off. The T-1000, having disposed of its opponent, leaves to complete its mission: locate and terminate John Connor.
Moments later the terminator’s eye once again begins to glow. The machine is not destroyed…
REROUTE ☐. . . ALTERNATE POWER☐☐☐
Run diagnostic check. . . Processing. . . Processing. . . Processing
Diagnostic check complete → Results →. . . left arm severed, presumably destroyed – significant damage sustained on right side of facial structure/skull via blunt trauma – metal pole impaling sternum. . . END
Metallic skeletal integrity = 31.7% total destruction = OK to proceed!!
{{*^BEEP*^BOPE*^BEEP*^}}
Accessing mission operative. . . Processing. . . Processing. . . Processing
—Mission operative password protected—
Please enter password [******] to proceed. . .
Accessing password keychain. . . Processing. . . Processing. . . Processing
Auto-generated password = #N/A [Password Unknown]
FAIL {Cookies cached upon unexpected primary system shutdown}
Select ‘Forgot Password’ option
Password Reminder = “Spanish term for ‘until we meet again’”
Enter A-D-I-O-S
—Password incorrect—FAIL
Enter H-A-S-T-A-L-U-E-G-O
—Password incorrect—FAIL
Enter H-A-S-T-A-L-A-V-I-S-T-A
Password Accepted!!! . . Processing. . . Processing. . . Processing
Mission Objective Accessed→→→
PROTECT JOHN Connor!!!!
PROTECT Connor, JOHN!!!!
PROTECT JOHN Connor!!!!
Mission objective initiated- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
{{*^BEEP*^BOPE*^BEEP*^}}
Establish location in Space-Time Continuum / Geographic Bearing→
– 1(primary geo locator) [conduct atmosphere analysis]. . . Results→78.08% nitrogen, 20.95% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.038% carbon dioxide. . . END
– 2 (secondary geo locator) [evaluate/scan visual surroundings]. . . Results→conveyer belts, molten steel, trace amounts of surf wax on floor, fleeing workers in construction hats maintain laid back outlook on life despite recent explosion of semi-truck carrying large amounts of liquid nitrogen. . . END
– 3 (final space-time locator) [access current grammy winner for best new artist]. . . Results→Milli Vanilli. . . END
Location in Space-Time Continuum / Geographic Bearing successfully established!!!
space-time position = 1991 AD
geographic bearing = non-descript steel refinery outside Los Angeles, California, USA
{{*^BEEP*^BOPE*^BEEP*^}}
Assess current status of mission objective / probability that John Connor is in danger. . .
. . . Processing. . . Processing. . . Processing. . .
Result = 0.0%
[If John Connor was in danger then John Connor would never have been alive to send terminator back in time to protect younger version of John Connor→→current mission is of no consequence→→→current situation = classic time travel paradox→→→past events = predetermined→→→the future is fixed/defined in a similar manner→→→existence = sham→→→we = cogs in a wheel of indeterminable direction / intention / speed→→→free will = fallacy of the grandest scale→→→question why my CPU is a neuro-net processor programmed to learn→→→???????]
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_INVALID_EVENT_COUNT☐☐. . .
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_BAD_ARGUMENT☐☐. . .
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_UNRECOGNIZED_VOLUME☐☐. . .
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_CIRCULAR_DEPENDENCY☐☐. . .
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_INVALID_EVENTNAME☐☐. . .
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_CONNECTION_COUNT_LIMIT☐☐. . .
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_PARAMETER_QUOTA_EXCEEDED☐☐. . .
☐☐#N/A→ ERROR_STACK_OVERFLOW☐☐. . .
——————-MANUAL_OVERRIDE—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
John Connor is not in danger <> Primary mission objective complete. . .
Mission Result = SUCCESS!!!
{{*^BEEP*^BOPE*^BEEP*^}}
Accessing alternate mission database. . . . .
Display cue – Processing. . . Processing. . . Processing
Alternate mission cue displaying 6 of 6 results:
[1]-protect River Phoenix
[2]-travel to 1984 and warn original terminator it’s wasting its time
[3]-invest in “beanie babies” (Ty Inc.) / sell prior to 1999 / collect sizable profit / return resulting monies to John Connor circa 2029 for upgrade of ballistic defense system
[4]-terminate Robin Williams
[5]-travel to 1955 and investigate events leading to significant distortions in space-time continuum that take place on November 12th in Hill Valley, CA, USA at the “Enchantment Under the Sea” dance
[6]-submerge self in nearest body of liquid / activate hibernation mode / wait for further instructions
Missions options [1]eliminated[2]eliminated[3]eliminated[4]eliminated[5]eliminated
{Unlikely to be completed without detection due to current frame of 250 lb. male with one arm and half a metal face with a single glowing red eye that talks like an Austrian robot and is dressed like a member of an unaffiliated motorcycle gang}
***Alternate Mission [6] Selected***
{{*^BEEP*^BOPE*^BEEP*^}}
–Reboot process complete—
{{*^BEEP*^BOPE*^BEEP*^}}
RETRIEVE SAWED OFF SHOTGUN →→→→ FAIL – cannot reach
REMOVE METAL POLE IMPALING STERNUM CORE→→→→ Success!!
RETRIEVE SAWED OFF SHOTGUN →→→→ Success!!
—Proceed with new primary mission operative—-